Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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