Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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