Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
