the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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