we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
