You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize