i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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