i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
