Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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