I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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