I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
