Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
