i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There are leaves in my underwear?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
