1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
