And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
