I hate your face
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
