mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
