his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
