I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
did i just pee glitter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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