She said her name was "party"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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