Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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