Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'll bet she douches with gravy.

Fav 6 959 3468
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(574): View more from Indiana

its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

Fav 68 3976 2236
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(519): View more from Ontario

someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF

Fav 20 3587 944
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.

Fav 1 1625 783
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

Fav 3 2746 996
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.

Fav 4 842 1572
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(818): View more from California

The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

Fav 18 6435 927
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering

Fav 2 69 16
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(817): View more from Texas

You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you

Fav 0 15 33
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