why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
