he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
