Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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