ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
