I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
