i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
