I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
