my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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