apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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