Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
