So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
