Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
