I smell stomach acid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
