Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
