..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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