dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
