well I can't set my house on fire every night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
