Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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