let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
