we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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