Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
