You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
