Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
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