My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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