garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
