the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to cum in my sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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