If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
