you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
