So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
