Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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