Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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