Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
