Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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