hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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