I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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