What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
