I skipped work to stalk him.
if only i could text you this smell
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
