Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
