there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
