Your dad touched me again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
