went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
