Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
