just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
