I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
