my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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