the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
