i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
