Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
